A cheer was heard across the country when Nancy was made National Sales Manager. A groan was heard less than a year later when she was sent back to manage one sales office. If you would ask her what happened, she would tell you that it was the “old boys club,” that they “didn’t really want a woman at the top,” that she “did a good job and was demoted for no good reason!” And to this day, she believes that story to be the truth. Nancy just didn’t get it!
But I was there at those national meetings when she walked into the Board Room in a flowered dress with a lace collar and another time in a pale pink suit. I was there when she greeted people as they arrived, sweetly made small talk, made sure they were comfortable and fetched coffee at each and every meeting. I often observed her as she smiled politely and patiently waited her turn to speak and was seldom heard. I never saw her at the bar after work with the guys or on the golf course. She didn’t play poker and she certainly didn’t want to be around anyone who drank alcohol or used bad language.
Nancy, with excellent credentials, vast experience and the best of intentions was a nice, lovely lady who didn’t have a clue about how the business world works.
What did Nancy do wrong that cost her an excellent job?
What did Nancy do wrong that she THOUGHT was right?
What did Nancy do wrong that 80% of all working women do wrong?
She acted “like a lady” and “she did a good job” but she did not demonstrate that she deserved respect so she received little respect and they did not take her seriously. And if they — and that THEY is mostly men -- do not take you seriously you’ll never get credit for the work you do, you’ll seldom get promoted or get raises. Without mutual respect it is difficult to maintain any relationship at work or at home.
Assuming that you already possess the appropriate skills and knowledge to DO the job, you have to look, sound and act like you are worthy of respect. Let’s work from the outside in and start with how a respected woman looks.
Look Like You Are Worthy Of Respect — Part One
Make your outside match your inside. Anything else is false advertising!
You know those teaser ads they do just before the News comes on? They read the headline as they show five seconds of videotape of the people involved. And in those first five seconds don’t you draw some instant conclusions about those people? You get an impression that tells you if they are rich or poor or in the middle. They look smart or they look dumb. They look educated or ignorant. You get an idea of what kind of work they might do. You get an impression about their personality. All that in about five seconds.
Do you “look” worthy of respect?
Here’s a quick test. Answer YES or NO.
Do your ever wear any of the following to work?
____ Ally McBeal skirts that look more like belts?
____ Tank tops or any tops or jackets that show any part of your breasts?
____ Skirts with slits?
____ Any outfit that is likely to solicit a wolf-whistle on the street?
____ LOTS of makeup?
____ Hair that gets in your eyes or in your way during the day?
____ Nails that are too long for typing?
____ Shoulder duster earrings?
____ Sexy shoes?
How many YES answers did you have?
This is another one of those places where less is more. Less YESes, that is. Yeses in this quiz, for the most part, indicate that you think of yourself as a man-magnet first and a worker second. Of course, that is your choice. Unless you are wondering WHY you haven’t been promoted or WHY you haven’t got a raise or WHY they don’t take you seriously.
If you have a mind like a steel trap and you dress like a bimbo, you can’t blame others for not taking you seriously.
Many of my twenty-something friends truly believe that they can go to work looking like they have another “occupation” -- in the evening-- and be taken seriously. “It shouldn’t matter how I dress as long as I can do the job,” they say to me.
Actually that is really true for a few of them. The ones I know personally who get away with that have an MBA or a Ph. D. degree from an Ivy League university and professional credentials from Fortune 500 companies. That is simply not true for most of us. I don’t have those. Do you?
The rule is to look like the woman you want to become and start looking that way TODAY.
You have a choice about how you want to be seen by those who see you! What message does each of the following outfits send? (If you’re in a factory, a trade, or in IT (Internet Technology), these usually do not apply.)
1. Jeans and a tank top
2. Jeans and shirt or sweater
3. Dockers and a polo shirt
4. Skirt and sweater
5. Sweater or shirt and slacks
6. Sweater or shirt and slacks with jacket
7. Suit with very short skirt
8. Suit with knee length skirt
9. Suit with pants
* * * * *
And the survey SAYS!
1. Jeans and a tank top -- Very casual, no authority, maybe sexy
2. Jeans and shirt or sweater -- Very casual, no authority, maybe sexy
3. Dockers and a polo shirt -- Casual, little authority
4. Skirt and sweater — Probably someone’s assistant
5. Sweater or shirt and slacks -- One of the workers
6. Sweater or shirt and slacks with jacket -- Maybe some authority
7. Suit with very short skirt -- Did she sleep her way up the ladder?
8. Suit with knee length skirt -- Authority
9. Suit with pants — Authority
Your specific perception of those minimally-described outfits may differ from mine, but we probably agree that when you see a suit walk in, you assume that the wearer of the suit has some authority.
Suits may not be appropriate in your line of work, but adding a jacket to slacks gives you an edge and instantly upgrades your image. For more information see Chapters 6, 7 and 12 in Unlocking The Secrets of Successful Women in Business.
click here for details on all that plus tips on appropriate business casual and what to wear when, and how to create a “look” that commands respect.
Look Like You Are Worthy Of Respect - Part Two
There are women who command respect just by walking into a room! What do they know that you don’t know? They just look like they are important or savvy or in charge…before they say a word!
How you hold your body says a lot about how you and others view you. How can you create a confident demeanor?
- Do you stand tall with shoulders back, tummy in and head held high?
- Do you walk across a room with long confident steps or do you appear timid because you take little-girl-steps?
- Do make good eye contact?
- Do you have a good, firm handshake?
- Do you smile warmly when it is appropriate?
- Do you stand in the “power spot” in a room?
- Do you sit in the “power spot” at a table?
For more information see Chapters 17 and 19 in Unlocking The Secrets of Successful Women in Business.
click here for details on all that plus tips on appropriate business casual and what to wear when, and how to create a “look” that commands respect.
