Men are not inclined to take “no” for an answer because many women say “no” with their voices, while saying “well, maybe” with other parts of their minds and bodies. I know this is not politically correct but I am Southern and that particular viewpoint – saying NO while indicating MAYBE – is so deeply ingrained in my DNA that I have considered surgery. (Minus two points for inappropriate humor.)
Men are inclined from – maybe not birth – but from a very young age, to test the boundaries with women. It is suggested among men that we have none.
They create strategic plans on how to get women into bed. Men spend a lot of time thinking about they can overcome resistance, stretch whatever boundaries that may exist. They spend far more time thinking about how to accomplish their sexual goals than their business goals. How many women ever ponder sexual counter attacks or create a good defense against this onslaught? (Think KNEE. You don’t have to use it, but just thinking it changes the vibes.)
For many women it is hard to know where to draw the line when it comes to men. And if YOU don’t know where the line is drawn, how can you point it out to the men in your life?
Date rape comes in many forms and varieties, some of which include drugs and violence and that is beyond the scope of this discussion, though the basics still apply. Let us limit this to sexual coercion – more than coaxing, less than violence – which many men believe is “just part of the game.”
And we, as women, have to ask ourselves, why? Why is it just part of the game? Part of whose game? Who wrote the rules? Are they posted anywhere? How can we change the rules of the game?
THE BASICS:
- Men like to win and will go to extreme lengths to do so. They will undergo physical pain and suffering to win. What else explains football? Or war?
- Men like to play by the rules. They will bend the rules, tweak the rules, s-t-r-e-t-c-h the rules but at least marginally stay within the guidelines. Have you noticed that there are more male attorneys than female? Or as Bill Clinton, once said…oh, never mind.
- Men like games. They like to score. On the football field and the dating scene.
- Men care less about the game than about the score. You may only be a means to an end. (Pardon the pun.)
Let’s create your game plan for relationships.
It starts with the rules being clearly defined early on in each and every relationship. No, you do not have to be prissy or uptight but you must insist upon being treated as an equal. That means that you not only respect yourself; you assume and expect respect from others. All the time. Even from men. Even on dates. Especially on dates. One of these guys might be the guy you marry. And if you don’t figure this out now, you’ll be reading the article on “battered women” next.
The rules of each relationship are negotiated at the initial handshake and the negotiations continue throughout the relationship. My sweet little southern Momma – always grammatically correct – used to say, “There are certain things up with which I will not put.” She knew where she stood on most things and YOU knew where she stood too. No waffling. No wishy-washy attitudes.
- What is it that you will not tolerate?
- What’s the deal-breaker in a relationship?
- Do you look and sound like you deserve respect? (Yes, you can look like a desirable woman without looking like a Pop-Tart!)
- Have you taken time to think through your own personal standards that set the stage for how others react to you and treat you?
- How will you handle it when someone steps over your boundaries?
- How will you verbalize NO? (If it takes more than 2 letters, back to the drawing board!)
- Can you say NO and convince him that you mean it?
- Does your mind, face, body and voice all say NO at the same time?
- Will you put yourself in situations where date rape is a possibility?
- What are your strategies for avoiding those situations?
If you need to know more about getting respect, you might want to CLICK HERE to check out Unlocking The Secrets Of Successful Women In Business and How To Get Men To Take You Seriously In Business And In Life. Each book provides different parts of the puzzle for you about getting respect.
